The Prodigal Carnivore Returns to the Crescent City (Part I)

April 21st, 2008 by Scott

I’ve recently returned to my hometown, New Orleans, which has always held a special, spicy place in my heart, as it should any food lover. Since the home I grew up in drowned in Katrina — thank you bastards Army Corps of Engineers! — forcing my folks to flee to Shreveport, I’ve had little opportunity to “come home” for any decent period of time. My initial reason for the return was that I was invited to participate as an author at the annual Tennessee Williams Literary Festival, but I think you and I both know my true motivation:

I’d come home to eat.

And oh, what a homecoming! Beginning with two dozen oysters at Acme Oyster House mere minutes after my arrival. Now, I realize that this site isn’t about seafood, but darn it all if I couldn’t share this experience with you, since I have a profound love of Louisiana oysters. I had two dozen of the biggest, plumpest, cleanest-tasking bivalves around, and all this at only nine bucks a dozen. This is why I don’t go out for oysters in New York: it pains my soul to pay fifteen dollars for six measly little nickel-sized oysters. Boo to that. I’ll do my time and wait for home, where I can get a plate looking like this:

And a closer shot:

Afterwards I had a fun time hanging out in the French Quarter and catching up with my family (saw some really brilliant antique walking sticks at this gallery on Royal St.), and then headed out for dinner. Realizing with shock and shame that I, a son of the Crescent City, had never had a Port of Call hamburger, my brother and parents were eager to rectify the situation.

I’ve expressed my feelings about hamburgers at length in the past, especially the venerable Shake Shack, but the Port of Call burger is something entirely different from my personal picture of hamburger pulchritude. First, I have to say that this restaurant is pretty much carnivore-exclusive. Other than a salad or two, your menu options are basically limited to three choices: pizza (with meat), burger or steak. And I’ve yet to encounter someone who’s ordered the steak or pizza. Meaning, of course, that the burger is sure to be something of powerful gustatory joy, which, I’ll add, is an immensely important thing to New Orleanians.

The full-on Port of Call burger is a BEAST: a humongous patty of very fresh meat cooked to perfection (it’s often noted that the beef is so tender that one doesn’t even need teeth to eat it), topped with ooey-gooey cheddar cheese and, the most important part, the restaurant’s specially marinated mushrooms. It’s a thing of monstrous beauty, which is how one could probably describe the city of New Orleans itself — joyfully gluttonous, with a uniquely charming character and history, and probably pretty dangerous, too. But hey, that’s why we love it, isn’t it?

Held up to my camera’ scrutiny, here’s a shot of a classic Port of Call burger in all it’s savory egregiousness:

Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t discuss my drink choice. PoC is known not just for the burgers, but for their signature cocktails as well. Upon asking a regular which one I should try, she enthusiastically recommended the “Red Turtle.” I ordered my beverage, a sickly sweet — which in New Orleans generally indicates stout potency, since you need a bucket of sugar to mask the staggering amount of liquor in the thing — pink concoction served in a collectible plastic cup. My father inquired about the drink.

“What’d you get?” he asked.

“A Red Turtle,” I replied.

“What’s in that?”

“Tequila, I think.”

“Okay,” he said. “What else?”

“Ummm…. red? And, quite possibly, turtles.”

“I’ll stick with beer,” said Dad.

Posted in Beef, News, Uncategorized 4 Comments »

4 Responses to “The Prodigal Carnivore Returns to the Crescent City (Part I)”

1. ntsc The Art of The Pig wrote on 04/25/08 at 9:43 am :

   I remember that oyster house well. I was in New Orleans for the convention of 84 and was introduced to so much new in the town.

   My wife and I have literally eaten ourselfs sick, once doing 8 major resturants in as many days, and not missing lunch either.

2. foodhoe wrote on 04/29/08 at 4:09 pm :

   What a great homecoming meal…that burger looks amazing! I’m from Cali and have never sampled a Louisiana oyster, they do look good.

3. Kim Keener wrote on 07/14/08 at 11:13 am :

   I loved Port of Call. That was the first place we went to when I visited NOLA. The burgers are yummy and so are those drinks.

4. bryan wrote on 08/11/08 at 1:54 pm :

   god, i love port of call. i have burgers in new york fairly regularly, but none compare to those beastly beauties from my hometown. and if POC is too crowded, it’s just a short walk to Snug Harbor.

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