On Vegetarians (Part One)

February 7th, 2006 by Scott

Okay. You may have noticed that I occassionally refer to vegetarians and vegans as “the enemy.” Please know that I do this only for rhetorical effect. Of course, I don’t feel any real animosity towards most vegetarians and vegans. I’ve lived with them, worked with them, and am related to them (my older brother, Colin, does not eat meat at present, but more on him later).

I have even worked for them. The summer between my freshman and sophomore year in college, for instance, I worked in the French Quarter flea market selling vegetable-themed apparel and accessories for the Wearable Vegetables Corporation. Nine hours a day I’d spend sweating like crazy in the oppressive July humidity, listening to the same four Fats Domino songs played by the guy selling CDs in the booth next to me, and hawking T-shirts and aprons that read “Shiitake Happens,” “Desperately Seeking Spinach,” or “New Orleans: We Be Yammin’.” In all honesty, the slogans were cute and the clothes sold well, and have actually become my inspiration to sell meat-themed apparel on this very website.

So, most of the vegetable people I know are good, honest folks, and the fact that they eschew the pleasures of eating animals doesn’t color my opinion of them (other than to note that – man! they’re really missing out!). Because when it comes down to it, people are free to feed themselves whatever they want, so long as they stay within state and federal law (no eating other people’s pets, or other people for that matter). Or to not eat whatever they want. You on some new fad diet that has you consuming nothing but tree bark, dandelions and kiwi juice? Fine by me. Not my job to judge. And I would hope that most reasonable people feel the same way.

Problem is, they don’t. There are more than a few vegetarians and vegans out there who feel that it’s their job – a moral imperative! – to dissuade me from eating meat. This sort of veggie proslytizing, dear friends, I cannot abide. Pleading with a carnivore to quit eating meat is like telling him that he’s praying to the wrong God. It’s presumptuous and arrogant, and even though I’m not a violent man, it makes me want to go at these people with the claw end of a hammer.

For this reason, I think it’s the duty of all true carnivores to respect the fact that vegetarians have chosen not to eat meat, and leave it at that. Granted, we don’t have to understand that decision — to me, a life void of meat is more of a half-life, a sad, deprived existence and hardly “living” at all — but we should at least respect it.

So, next time you find out that one of your friends or coworkers or relatives has gone to the green side, don’t pester them about it. Because I hate being pestered by the self-righteous whining of so-called “moral vegetarians,” and I’d like to think that I’m above trying to change people’s habits, or, as some foolish greenies out there naively believe, change the world.

Posted in Veggies No Comments »

Leave a Reply